after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
my poor anus
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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