Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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