Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
