A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
