GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
