so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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