I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
