She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
