I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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