I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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