I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
