Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We are all done wearing pants today
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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