Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
