At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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