Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
