I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
