I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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