Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
