I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
