this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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