don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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