Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
