OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
