your parents love me but you hate me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
