Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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