yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
