You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
