She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
