I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
