just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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