Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
