No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
