I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
