Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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