life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
All I want is dick and wine.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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