We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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