Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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