So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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