May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
