i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
