So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
