Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
