Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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