hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
