Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
