are you still at the devil's house?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
