And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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