I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
