I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
