the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
