Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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