I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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