matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I didn't notice because vodka
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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