Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
