I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
