he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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