You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
